windows xp start up noise

-

 Our memories (and how we interpret them) shape the perception of ourselves, maybe even skew them. Feelings of the profound come often, usually with no time to decipher what it means, to have  a general understanding of what exactly it is I'm recalling, or what my psyche is attempting to reveal to my current self. I'm 25 years old, living in Los Angeles, California, approximately 1,969 miles away from where I grew up. Now, working a full time job at an Art Museum, reading a book, I was slapped with a feeling from childhood. I think most children are told and believe that they can change the world. Most people, however, lose that chore at some point  or forget about it, due to the boring normalcy's that life has to offer: jobs, kids, taxes, family, all of those things make them forget that  superfluous idea that we have the power to change the world. And what exactly does that mean? How can one measure an individuals impact on changing the world? All of us do it.

I was a strong willed kid. I didn't think I was going to change the world, I knew it. Sorry Mom. What would make a child, a pretty ordinary one, have such strong self belief?  Then, following that thought, I began to question if I ever really had conceived that. Surely I had, I can't remember a time when I didn't tell people I would change the world (change what? they probably thought). Ego! But who's to say maybe I've carefully crafted this perception of myself over all of my years. We build ourselves after all, we have that ability. 

I have visions of a restaurant in Bartonville, Illinois we used to frequent when I was a child. It was called "Starstruck" and it was a diner that was Old Hollywood themed. They had a mural in the smoking section (smoking indoors was still legal when I was a small child), and the mural was filled with actors from the Gilded Age and beyond, glitz, glam, filling my head with a sense of wonder. Who were these attractive, interesting personas, and why were we all hypnotized by them? Cut to the present, and I'm in the city they helped build. I followed their magic carpet, as so many of us do, all hypnotized with the idea that we all have something to offer. Something deep, something artistic, something special perhaps. It is childish wonder. Making connections to ourselves, relating with our past selves, is important in building our own identity. Making that kid inside of us go, "woah, that's amazing!" keeps us on track. Our spirits are funny things. Many people believe that they are broken, or are too depressed to realize that they lost themselves. That's when our memories come in to remind us we have  created who we are, and we have the ability to continue creating. We are all blank slates that are filled with our experiences, both positive and negative. We all have the power to change our worlds. And in order to change the external, we have to start with the internal.  Can't change the world unless we change ourselves, right?

Popular posts from this blog

Becoming Death: Chapter 1

-
CHAPTER 1 I didn’t even know I was dead. It felt sudden and quick—probably hit by a truck or something. Pretty standard as far as deaths go. I figured that was it, the end. Unfortunately for me, a new job opened up upon my passing, and I woke up as Death incarnate. Or colloquially, the Grim Reaper. Sucks, right? No training, other than those fucking onboarding videos. Oh, and the sudden realization that I would have to watch everyone I know and love pass away. That was hard. The infinite knowledge of all existence was tough to swallow, too. It was all a bit overwhelming. Other than that, it’s a job. Since I no longer have my mortal coil, I don't need to sleep. Or eat. Or anything, really. I am the optimal employee, considering it’s now been so long that I don’t remember any of my hopes and dreams, wants, needs, name, bank information, or my sexual preferences. I’m never late, because, well, I only had to clock in once. That was as soon as I died. I was late for that, though, I’m to...
Read more

The Little Conqueror

-
The Mirage of Progress Our economic structure has been captured by little kings, gods, and lords in the form of CEOs and shareholders who exercise absolute power in an autocratic workplace, where we spend most of our lives. How far, then, are we from the life of a feudal serf? The serf, who, from dawn to dusk, worked the land for next to nothing in comparison to the lord, who grew fat off of the peasants labor and enjoyed all the benefits. Kings, lords, and peasants were simply replaced by shareholders, CEOs, and wage laborers. God was replaced with Capitalism, and profits have supplanted morality. We Americans pride ourselves on our democratic ideals, yet spend most of our waking lives under an autocratic hierarchical structure. Our idea of democracy in America is simply that: an idea. Ideas are safe and cozy. Acting upon them poses a serious threat to the hegemony of the ruling class. The perfect potion to keep the working class satiated in the United States is the idea of the Americ...
Read more