journal entries from 2023

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January 5, 2023

--Awe--

The fact that I live in a bustling metropolis, one that historians will be studying years from now is quite spectacular. Los Angeles is a true  crossroads of culture from across the globe. It remains my favorite city in the world that I've visited. 

January 8, 2023 

--Perplexed--

Where will the American Empire be in my middle age?

--Spiritual--

Wonder, awe, connection of spirit

The idea of Kami that exist all over makes sense to me --

Nature is supreme, and pure, and spirits inhabit that world 


January 15, 2023    1:37 a.m.

I lost a bit of myself when that fuck stole my backpack out of my car. 

I still have memories...but the journals were--- (incomprehensible handwriting)

Stop.

Shit happens in life: things that I can't control. I will not worry about that. I can control this pen; what's in front of me. I can only be limited by my own self limitations. 

~~Dreams~~

I dream of no poverty ---

Trains. I need more trains!

Los Angeles needs them 

Dream of my music, I just have to finish the craft!!!! (??)

                    A canoe drifts silently downstream

                            in the dead of night, an owl keeps watch

January 16, 2023 12:55 p.m.


   The god of wind was bored

    All day long, he blew the

    clouds over the city, over the

    oceans, over the mountains, 

    and nothing came to be.

All remained the same.

    He used to get sacrifices

    from the people, but long

    ago they stropped believing in

    him. The sacrifices stopped,

    the chants grew silent.

But the god still blew

    He was given many names over the years, 

but Boreas was  what he liked. 

    In his boredom, the god decided to go down to Earth    

  among the people.

In this, he deemed, he would finally be cured of his boredom.

So he took a human form, and went down to Earth.

Everywhere he went, everyone he met, he told them he was the god of wind. 

All he got was laughs!


He showed them his power

they deemed it fake

How would he get them to see?

He thought of wrath--


To burn down the buildings with wildfire, 

Or command the seas to swallow up the concrete jungles--

Then, he thought of love...

Maybe he would save them yet:


Maybe they are capable of believing him yet!


A grandiose revealing was due:

So, the god of wind took 

on his ethereal forms,

visible to the human eye,

and revealed himself to the world;


"Behold humans, bow before me, for I am Boreas, the God of Wind!"

He was met with silence. And lights from a million cameras. 


The god grew weary, and pondered his existence. 

He decided that humans were too much, and went to sleep ~~~


January 18, 2023 4:53 pm

Sick today. Still pushed to get (incomprehensible handwriting) done. Need to push myself, don't slack. Sometimes love makes me slack! Haha.

Even though I'm sick, I've been accomplishing much today. Here are some things I want to do coming up- 

(basically here I make my to do list)


I always have flashes of my grandparents backyard. The cottonwood, the shag bark hickory, the creek, exploring throughout the seasons, seeing birth, life, death--that's where I gained a sense of profundity. A feeling of a deep and profound understanding of the world. 

What was that deep profundity found in the forest?

The cycles of life, what remains will never be the same. 

The leaves of Spring, will crunch in Fall

The yearling doe,

survives the cold frost

Leaves that crunch beneath





 This past year has been a flash. Discovering myself, destroying myself, building new horizons -- my fate and destiny is entirely in my hands. My philosophy on life is constantly evolving, but right now, I'm focused on building myself on all fronts. Focusing on relationshiops, people, love, kindness, trust: all things I want to continue building in 2023. No more wild delusions of grandeur: grandeur is not something experienced firsthand, it's crafted over work, time, and meant for the experience of others. Building my body is another strong focus of 2023, and building my writing skills. I will someday write compelling stories: to the likes of Dante and Ovid --

that's my ego, which I am grateful for. 

2022 taught me independence in its truest form (to me!). I felt my rock bottom. Depression is a weight that drags you down deep into the abyss. But that, too, like anything else, can be conquered. 

I will continue the struggle of conquering myself in 2023, and expand my horizons as a friend, partner, lover, brother, son, and do my best to make a positive impact on the people in my life. 

2021 I burned it down. 2022 I watched everything smolder, and settle until I started to pick up the pieces to build something new. 2023, I'm the architect of my life. And build I shall. :)


Love,

Jake 


    



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